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Cultivating Spirited Words Published: Sunday, December 15, 2002 By: Dr. Manuel Ángel Morales

Motivation and management within a family are dangerously affected when a divorce is taking place. Divorce is a key clue for making the argument that traditional methods of establishing relationships sometimes are not based on sound principles of what makes people find meaning in life. The excessive use of power is ever present in those exchanges that bring divorce. Our known spirit-killing words, put-downs, and poor confronting techniques help cause divorce.

Judgment and analysis of the other’s behavior lead to diminish spirits in a marriage or in any other type of significant relationship. Marriages lacking a reasonable understanding of good interpersonal communications, and of what true motivation is will be strained, often to the point of no return.

When people in marriages lack an understanding about true motivation, they become vulnerable to the abuse of power, and other spirit killers, that build tension between them, just as it does between employers and employees, and between teachers and students. Once the tension manifests itself, violence is often a commonplace. Violence is the confession of ignorance…

If a society is dependent on the stability of the family unit, then breaking families is a serious, difficult and a complex condition for our attempts to construct a better future…The point is that breaking any kind of relationship may be related to the inability to encourage, to trust, and to use power in a prudent and wise manner when interacting with other human beings. High profile, autocratic spouses do not get any better results than high profile, autocratic teachers or managers when it comes to motivating people and establishing lasting relationships. Encouragement of other human being in the single most important aspect of any relationship, and it cannot be provided by using typical routines of motivation. Relationships are agreements to seek and share the meaning in life together. The meaning breaks down when one uses phrases that chip away at someone’s self-esteem or the control they have over the meaning of their lives.

The ability to be a little critical, give some improvement feedback, and not strain a relationship is an art that can be learned. Understanding that we cannot build a relationship by starting to point weakness in another person is an awareness lacking in our daily lives. Any relationship will be in trouble if there is no space to grow and meeting the parties’ needs of gratification and recognition, and providing the affection, empathy and encouragement that constitute a healthy relationship.

One thing is to control growth and another things is to letting it flow. The challenge is always that of getting the best out of people. To achieve such a high purpose all of us should aim at contributing with the best of our ideas and supports so we can all do better tomorrow…Such a contribution is always about improving our human development and relationship skills.


Copyright 2002 QBS, Inc.
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